Overwhelmed

Warning: This isn't a fun, life is going hunky dory post. Just in case the title didn't give it away.

I'm vaguely aware of the fact that Mother's Day is Sunday. I probably wouldn't think too much of it, but my sister called wanting to know what I'm getting our mom. Ummmm....I have no idea. Nor do I know what I'm getting any of the other mothers in our lives. What's Mother's Day got to do with this post? Glad you ask. Mother's Day is a day to honor the women who helped make us who we are, the women who made all the sacrifices look easy, the women who would gladly go back and do it all again, even knowing what they know now. But I haven't been feeling worthy of the honor. I haven't been doing so well with all the "motherly" things. I'm overwhelmed and feel like I'm going under.

The kids aren't listening. I have to repeat myself 439 times to get my point across, but by the 15th time I'm yelling and red-faced. Ezra almost refuses to wear a diaper....or go to the potty. I'm tired of cleaning crap up, literally. Ethan is in some sort of weird funk...he's bossy and mean and I can't get him to open up to me about it. Elijah thinks he's a big kid and yet, still wants to be a baby and therefore, I clean up more crap, again literally.

My house is a disaster. I haven't felt like cleaning and apparently no one else who lives here full-time does either. (I don't include Ronnie because he's rarely here and most of the mess isn't his. His biggest mess is a suitcase of dirty clothes to wash every weekend, but I didn't even have to touch that last week.)

The laundry is still piled up from the great washing machine fail and I just can't seem to catch up. Then I can't find the laundry detergent I like anywhere around here. Errrr.

The dishes are piled up, but I can't stand at the sink to wash them because I feel like there's a baby about to fall out from the pressure. Plus there's the whole awkward stance thing since this belly keeps me from actually getting close to the sink.

Then there's the fact that the responsibility of cleaning my grandmother's apartment out has fallen to me and my mom. Cleaning 10 years of a pack rat's junk is definitely not fun. (One would think that seeing all of her junk would motivate me to clean, but it just makes me tired.

Then the nurse from my OB office called today to tell me that I failed my glucola test. Miserably. And that I need to do the three hour test. Unless I think I'll fail it too. Guess what? I'll fail it. So monitoring begins immediately. Except when I got to the pharmacy to get my supplies, the doctor hadn't called them in yet.

And those are the big things. There are so many little things irritating me here lately....like every single little thing. I've been in situations that were far more stressful and felt fine. Why am I going crazy now? I pray its just hormones and goes away soon.

Why did I post this? To show that life isn't always perfect. My kids aren't perfect. I'm not perfect. Also, I needed to get it all off of my chest and didn't want to get to the point that I was emailing Ronnie to please come home because every time I talked to him on the phone all I could do was cry.

And because once I got it all typed out I started realizing my blessings. And that's where I needed to get. My kids are healthy. They are all boy and keep me on my toes. I'm experiencing a (mostly) healthy pregnancy and I have great doctors who are watching out for me and Baby Girl. I'm fortunate to have a home and all kinds of junk to go in it. We have clothes to wear, food to eat and love to share. I'm lucky to still have a mom and grandmas, even though they all can drive me crazy to a point. My mama sleeps late, but she always has food to share. Gram Jackie is always asking me favors, but I'm so blessed that she'll call me anytime she needs anything. I probably know her better than any of the other grandchildren and my boys love their "old" grandma beyond words. I'm blessed that my Grandma Summerlin knew my name yesterday. She called me by it at least twice and it made me want to cry. (Never mind the fact that she asked about me being fat (pregnant) five times in as many minutes. I'm blessed with a hard-working husband who does all that he can for me on the days that he is home. And I have a God in Heaven who is watching over me and reminding me not to worry so much because He is still in control.