Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Happiness Revealed!

So I'll be the first to admit that I have been more than a little slack with my blogging as of late. I keep telling myself that I'll do better. I think I even made it a resolution, but you know how those go. I think it's time that I come clean on my little 'ol blog so I thought I would share a story of surprising happiness with you all. Go back to Christmas. Remember all the good things...the smells of cookies and favorite meals, the taste of hot chocolate, staying up late wrapping gifts, shopping like a mad person, snuggling with the ones you love. Ahhhh.... Well, I looked forward to the holidays so much this year! I was too excited as we would be a family of four and we would celebrate Elijah's first Christmas with us! But I was exhausted. Not just tired at the end of the day, but dragging myself out of bed, needing a nap, going to bed early exhausted. I couldn't figure out why. It had just hit me within the last month or so and I couldn't get over it. The whole first week of break from school all I could do was sleep. I took as many naps as Elijah did that week. On December 23, Ethan and I had a little talk. He informed me that he needed a little sister. I guess he could ask for was Christmas after all. I asked him where we would find one of those. His response shocked me. He told me that she was in my belly. What?!?! Then I thought about some personal things and realized that my lovely firstborn may be onto something. On Christmas Eve Ronnie had to leave for work at 3am. I had snuck a pregnancy test at Wal-Mart the day before and was about to burst when Ronnie got up to leave. I don't know why, but I just didn't want him to be there when I took the test. I guess I didn't want him to think I was crazy when it was negative. But I didn't think about what would happen if it was indeed positive. Any who...Ronnie left, I peed, and I think that little stick turned positive before Ronnie pulled out of the drive. Oh my! We were going to have our 3rd baby!!! I went back to bed and had a million thoughts racing through my brain. This is what I came up with. I wrapped Ronnie a gift to open when he got home from work. And I swear I got my most favorite picture of my husband when he finally realized what those two pink lines meant! So, our little "Pumpkin" was confirmed and we had an ultrasound in March. This is the little person that will be joining our family in August! And I'm still going to be able to say, "my boys" because this is boy #3! We're so thrilled!

Ok, so it's after 9.30, I'm exhausted (still) and Ethan is whining so I'm going to stop rambling and go my huge preggo tail to bed. Goodnight all!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I discovered that I'm a perfectionist!

Yep. You read the title correctly! And if you know me personally, you're sitting there with a quizzical look on your face wondering how in the world I could ever be classified as a perfectionist. I understand your confusion, but I really think that I'm onto something here, so please, allow me to explain. I have so many ideas and thoughts flying through my brain at any second that most of the time even I can't keep up with myself. I have big plans for EVERYTHING! I want to do so many things...exercise, eat right, cook nice meals for my family, clean my house and keep it tidy, play with my kids, spend time with my husband, visit friends, read, landscape my yard, decorate my home, figure out our budget, craft (oh the many ideas I have!), take classes, photograph people and places, start a business so I can work at home and the list goes on and on and on and on! In my brain I should do each and every one of these things plus many more. And I know EXACTLY how they should be. I want everything to be just the way I picture it in my head! I want to already be skinny when I exercise (except for the pregnant part), I want to have a perfect kitchen with all the tools I need, I want my house decorated perfectly and just update it here and there, I want to be the greatest photographer, I want our budget to work out precisely. But. None. Of. This. Is. Realistic. There, I said it. It's just not realistic. My goals are grand, but they're not realistic for me. Right now. I want to be perfect, but I'm not. (Close, but that only counts in horseshoes and grenades, right?) I must realize that I absolutely cannot do it all and do it all perfectly. I struggle with this all the time. I just had a wonderful week off of work for Spring Break and barely made it through 1/3 of the items on my to do list. Then I got mad at myself. What was so wrong with me that I couldn't get all of that done in 9 days? Why could I not just get it done? Why did I waste so much time? I have thought and thought. I got closer to getting depressed. Which then made me wonder why I couldn't handle myself. Ugh. I got in a weird funk. And I didn't like it. But then it hit me! I've been reading so many things to help me do some of those things I mentioned earlier. Dave Ramsey for budgeting. Flylady for cleaning. House of Smith for decorating. Kelle Hampton and others for photography. And various sites for recipes and craft ideas. They all have something in common: baby steps. Baby steps. Start where you are. Now there's an idea. No one can do it all. Each one of us has to do everything a little at a time. I have to stop beating myself up for not doing it all. I do plenty. I get up each day...a huge blessing from God. I have the privilege of getting my two darling boys up, ready and to their caretakers. I work at a job I chose with people that I love. I go home to a wonderful family. I cook for them. I wash their dirty clothes. I feed them. I wash dirty little bodies. I nurture another precious soul growing inside of me. I do so much so how can I compare myself to those that I think have it all together. I juggle. And there are balls that get dropped. I don't have a spotless home. It's very lived in. Sometimes I wash the clothes the night before and dry them the morning that we wear them. Sometimes I only make a pot of macaroni for supper. Sometimes I have to ignore a child in order to get something else done. But I'm juggling. The balls that I drop don't always stay on the ground. They rotate. I pick one up and do ok for awhile before I drop another. And the process continues. I feel so much better after getting all these thoughts out of my head. I picked up the blog ball...hopefully it won't drop anytime soon. So tell me, what ball do you drop? How do you cope with not being able to do it all? I know I'm not the only one.