Thirty by 30: Frustrated!

I just need to vent for a minute. Please bear with me.

I've never been skinny. I got to my lowest weight during my sophomore year of college...I thought I looked great and I felt great. Looking back, I was probably too small. Me as a size 8(!) just isn't attractive...probably because I have a big head. Anyways, I don't want to be skinny. It's not me. I want to look healthy. I'm being realistic. I want to lose (most of) this tummy that I've accumulated and tone up the rest of my body. I don't think that's too far fetched. I'm not even sure what weight I'd like to see on the scale. I know it's less than where I am now, but there's no concrete number that I think is magical and will cause me to be happy. I'm not like that. I understand that me losing weight is more about being healthy than trying to look like a model.

But dang it! I'm upset! I hadn't weighed in for a while so I thought it would be a good time to do so. I expected to be right around what I weighed last time, give or take a pound or so. But, no! I have gained over SIX stinkin' pounds! That hit me hard! It means that I'm only nine pounds less than I was when I had Melia. I'm mad! I know I'm probably overreacting, but I really didn't think I had done that poorly lately. I got upset with Ronnie about it and he, being a smart man, said nothing. He knew I needed to get my thoughts out there without interruption. I even called my dad to make sure there was nothing wrong with their scales. No such luck.

So where am I now and where am I going? Ronnie talked to me later last night and told me how proud he was of what I had done so far. He gave me encouragement to keep going because I had been trying too hard to just quit. And he reminded me that my hips are starting to hurt less since I've been exercising more. So, as I wrote out my goals for the week last night, I wrote down exercise five days. I can do that. Maybe I won't see the scale move for awhile, but maybe I'll continue to feel better and look more healthy.   

Amazing

This evening I had been in the kitchen washing dishes and starting supper, when I looked out front and saw the most amazing sky I have seen in a while. Hope you enjoy, even though this doesn't capture how amazing it was.

30 by Thirty Update

Sooooooooooooooo. I haven't really done too great with the whole losing thirty pounds by my thirtieth birthday.

Back when I first mentioned it, it seemed like an easily attainable goal. But then we had birthday parties, and Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and it got too cold to go outside to walk. So. Yeah. I didn't really do too great.

And it's all my fault. I'd eat right and do some time on the treadmill for a day or two, but then I'd quit before I really got going. I just couldn't get motivated.

But I'm back. And I'm probably not going to lose the whole 30 by my birthday, but I can still work on losing after it. I've made Ronnie promise to help me get my workouts in every day, and so far he hasn't let me down. Even when I beg not to, or complain about how bad it hurts and that I'm dying in the midst of the workout, he won't let me quit. Love is strange like that. He makes me do this, but I love him for it. I've finished 3 whole level 1 workouts of the 30 day shred. That's more than I've ever done and I wouldn't have done it without the supportive meanie telling me I had to do it.

We took before pictures before my third workout today. (Don't worry. I'm not posting them. And I probably won't ever. Unless I get really skinny and have an awesome after to post with them.) I'm really going to try to finish out the 30 days and see how much of a difference there is. I'll try to post periodic updates, with one after I finish (I hope!)

Like I said, I've done three days of level 1 and right now I feel like poo! I hurt in so many places it's not funny. Oddly, it doesn't hurt as bad as when I've done one day and quit in the past. Maybe there's something to be said about continuing on. I suck at push-ups. My goal right now is to do 10 each time, but that's not easy. And I do the modification. I also suck at jumping jacks, jump rope and butt kicks. I just have so much that bounces. But I'm getting better at them. I can already tell my endurance is improving. I'm giving it my all on the ab part of the circuit. Four kids have done a number on that area. It needs all the help it can get. I think that is all for now. I'll try to update again in a few days. I can't wait to be on level 2. I say that now, but I'll probably hate it when I get there. Oh well. Until next time...

better

It has been a little more difficult than I had thought it would be to pick a word for 2014. Last year's came rather easily, but this year's...not so much. I have been thinking about it for a while. I talked it over with my husband and explained how no matter what word I came up with, it all boiled back down to faith. He agreed. So he didn't help too much.

Then yesterday, after I wrote my post wrapping up 2013's word, it came to me. Better. I want to do better in 2014. I struggle with wanting to do everything perfectly (and therefore not trying if I know I can't get it done right!) when all I really have to do is the best I can. So, my goal is to do better this year. Be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend, daughter, Christian, person. I don't have to be perfect. I can't be. But I can be better than I am right now.