There are so many thoughts racing through my mind. Life is going crazy right now, but I want to take a moment to write a little note to my baby to let him know how loved he is.
Dear sweet boy,
It is true...you were a surprise. A very welcome one, but a surprise nonetheless. There has never been a moment since we found out about you that we didn't want you. Once your impending arrival was made known, you were loved. And you will always be loved.
It is also true that this has not been an easy pregnancy. I thought to take a test because I felt pretty rough, tired and moody. The tiredness has not gone away. I have felt the effects of exhaustion since December...it's June now. But I love you and that's what keeps me going.
Then when we found out you were a boy, we also found out that I have fibroids. The doctor explained that I am at increased risk of preterm labor and that they may grow quickly and get in the way of a normal delivery. My concern was and is you...I want you to have all the room you need. And for your arrival to go smoothly. I was told that there would be another ultrasound at around 30 weeks.
Two weeks ago I had my second glucola test. It was nasty and made me feel pretty bad. My blood pressure went too high, but the doctor said it was probably just the test and didn't get too concerned. Your daddy called the office last week and they told him that I had passed the test. Yay! I was very happy because it meant that you wouldn't have to have your heels pricked so much once you get here. And maybe you wouldn't be too big. Both good things. But I got a message yesterday to call the doctor. I did, but they didn't return the call. So I knew I would get "the talk" at the office when I went in today. Daddy went with me because we were getting to see you in another ultrasound. The technician is such a sweet lady and she told us so much. First, she told me that you are breech. I wasn't concerned, but she told me I need to do all I can to turn you...even get on my hands and knees with my bum in the air as often as I can. I may look silly, but I'll do it for you. This also explains why it feels like you're trying to kick your way out. She also told me that your fluid is low. It's not that bad, but these things make me worry since I really want everything to be ok for you. She showed you to us and we oohed and ahhed. We think you look like your brothers, which isn't a bad thing. You were trying to get comfy and you smacked your little lips together in the cutest way. It made me realize how badly I can't wait for you to get here so I can hold you and get lost in that baby face! Then we went to see the doctor. My blood pressure was high, again. And I got the talk I feared. He told me that I failed the glucose test. Just great. So he wanted to schedule me for a three hour test, but I convinced him to let me monitor my levels for a week and we would go from there. Whew. Then he told me that you are big. How big? You weigh 4 pounds and 5 ounces. A lot more than you should right now. That puts you two weeks ahead of where you should be. So I may get to see your handsome face sooner than August 16th.
Tonight I am frustrated because I don't want to deal with all of this. And your biggest brother has been a challenge. And your big brother was so tired by the time I got home that I didn't get to see him much. I just had to get it all out, to get it off my chest. God and I will talk about it before I go to sleep, but I wanted to write it down so I won't forget it. I want you to know the things that happened before you got here and I know my memory won't hold up that long. But the most important thing is that you know that you are loved. And I can guarantee that will never change. Love you Baby! Love, Mama