Wednesday, February 27, 2013


Yesterday, my 29th birthday, was the ultrasound for our little butterbean.

I was excited, but after Ronnie's surgery a couple of weeks ago, I got a little bummed because he wasn't going to be able to be there with me. It's not the first time he wasn't there. When I went for Elijah's big ultrasound he was on the road somewhere so my mom went and handled Ethan. After the appointment Ethan called his daddy and told him that there was a big boy in mommy's belly.

So, I had made arrangements for my mom to watch the boys and I was going to go alone. But then I found out that she was actually planning to go with me so that I wouldn't be by myself. Gotta love Mama! However, she caught that nasty virus that has been circulating (at hour house last week) and ended up not even being able to watch the boys.

A last minute call to Gram Jackie and I was headed out alone. I was nervous. I always am. I mean, there could be something wrong. Anything could happen and I'd be there alone to find out traumatic news. Can you tell that I suffer from realistic pessimism: thinking the worst that could happen because I don't walk around with my head in the clouds?

I got to the office. Didn't wait too long and it was my turn. My doctors are in a new office and I think they hired a complete new staff to man the place so a lady I had never seen came out to get me and we headed into the little room. I hopped up on the table and she handed me my "sheet." I mean really, we have to bare our bottoms and we get a piece of paper to hide them with? C'mon! She turned out the lights, turned on a screen on the wall, squeezed warm gel all over my huge belly and when she put the wand on me, there was my baby on the screen.

It brings tears to my eyes every time. To catch a glimpse into a miracle that God is performing inside of my body amazes me so much. How awesome that God has chosen us to bring another child into this world.

The tech was really good. She showed me all kinds of things: the reflection of the lens in the baby's eye, a weird vein that I have that forks inside the baby from the umbilical cord, all the little organs and other things. But when it came time to head to the diaper region, she had me close my eyes so I wouldn't see anything. It was hard, but I did it. While my eyes were closed she printed out one or two pictures and put them in an envelope for me to take with me.

And that envelope has been taunting me since Monday morning. I called Ronnie and he kept me strong at first and kept me from peeking. But then he turned on me and said to open it because he wants to know too. It has been so hard not to just look and find out already, but I keep reminding myself how sweet it will be to share the moment with Ronnie here too.

*Note: I started this post Tuesday night and was feeling pretty good about not looking. But now, on Wednesday morning, I'm finding it really difficult to not look. I just want to know! I really don't get how people can go the whole nine months and not find out!

Keep me strong!

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