I went home to chill for a bit, but I was just nervous. I didn't want to go to the doctor. I didn't want to admit that there was something wrong. I didn't want to say that I couldn't handle my life.
I was so worried that Ronnie wouldn't make it home in time to go with me. But he finally called and told me he was on the way home and that he could go with me.
On the way to the office I tried to analyze the situation in a way to let Ronnie know that there was nothing wrong, but being the supporter he is, I got no sympathy. He told me that this had gone on long enough and that we were gonna get help.
If he hadn't been at the office with me I would have left three times. At least. If I had been there alone I believe I would have gotten up and just walked out. I didn't want to let anyone know that I needed help.
The doctor came in and asked some questions. Some were difficult to answer. Admitting your innermost thoughts is hard to do. But I'm so thankful that Ronnie was there. He validated my answers and answered the ones I couldn't. His presence kept me from breaking down in tears right there on the table. It was hard for me to sit there, but I can only imagine how it made him feel to see the one person he loves more than anything sitting there, hands tucked underneath her to hide the shaking, rocking back and forth and swinging her legs with her head hung. I must have been a sad sight.
But we talked with the doctor and decided on a medication. And I have to go back in two weeks for a check up. Things are going to get better. I'm going to be me again. And we will get through it together. We will get through postpartum depression.
On the way home the song "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton played on the radio. The lyrics seemed to fit us at the moment:
I've been a walking heartache
I've made a mess of me
The person that I've been lately
Ain't who I want to be
But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me your for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it's true
God gave me you